February 21, 2012

I'm coming off a nice let down after finishing the first step in Bill's application for SSDI. I have a lot to learn. Sometimes I have so many 'to do's' that I freeze up and avoid doing those things with every ounce of resistance I have. OMG. Talk about draining. Duh. Next two focuses: certification and taxes. I know. I keep putting taxes at the end, but most of the stuff I have put first take time to process. I felt I needed to try to jump on those things first. I'm not too good at this stuff but I keep taking it a step at a time.

Bill's been pretty good until the last week or so. I think he's angry or grieving since we went to apply for SSDI. Poor Jack. I have had to step forward pretty boldly to save his life a few times. Jack tends to over correct Bill. It sends Bill threw the roof. Jack puffs up and generally a testosterone battle occurs.

Ok, so I have to try to step in and protect my cub before the big brown bear eats him and I don't escalate that one angry bear at all. Thank God it doesn't happen all the time, lol. Jack sort of over anticipates and feels responsible. I remember being pretty much the same way at his age. He's kinda dense when it comes to taking subtle hints to back off, but so far no blood has been shed.

Jack is enjoying 16. He got his driver's license and two girls fought over him recently. It doesn't really get any better than that. Work's going good. I feel much better after a bout with the crud. Love my job, my staff, and my kids. We have so much fun every day. I am pulling in some inner strength to go above and beyond what I've been doing for the kids. I love this job.

I'm sort of reflecting tonight. I miss my family. It's aunt Lois' birthday. We talked for quite awhile tonight, and it made me so happy to be in a family like ours. Our Bill (aka the Colonel) isn't doing good. He has COPD and is extended in his stomach area. He's very uncomfortable, tests are taking way too long, and they are - we are scared. We support each other from where we are. It made me think of moving home, of not being there when I lost my dad. Never in all my life would I ever guess I would not be there to say goodbye. I have been very blessed but I have lost so much. I will not look back, but I will try to make it better for the rest of my time with my family.

Ok. Next time we'll lighten up. We laugh so much. The old dog just jumped up on the couch (a miracle for his age), Bill pops up out of his chair shouting, 'Holy cow. How much longer do ya think he'll last?" He absolutely cracks me up. This morning he had on two stocking caps. They angled on his head and he looked like a ram. Hilarious site in the morning. He said his little head was cold. It was one degree this morning. One. Holy cow.